Mixin'

20 years ago almost all children here were "pure" Korean.  How things have changed.  A headline from the Korean times said that in rural areas mixed race children will be the majority in 2020. 

Over 90% of the relationships involve importing foreign brides with 57% coming from China while Cambodians and Vietnamese make up about 20% each. Most of the women go to relationship services to meet men in other countries.  In short, they take their chances to secure a better economic future.

I was told that women are leaving the countryside for cities while some men stay with the families which leaves few opportunities for courtship.  While this may be true, nearly a two thirds are living in populous areas.  In short, I have no idea why there are so many mail order brides.

Update

I discussed this with some colleagues and they said that many of the Chinese brides are likely of Korean dissent.  I am not sure if this makes any difference, but it is interesting.

Now that was creepy

A crazy boy taps Sandy on the ass and I, being an experienced world citizen, took it in stride.  Nah...I wanted to go out and scare the boy.  

To my credit, I did not know he was a boy (about 20 or so) or mentally challenged at the start.  As I was walking to go find him, we decided that Sandy and I should go to the police station and let them deal with it.

We got to the station and the police knew the boy.  We walked around the town with the police looking for him.  They decided to go to his home, and a few minutes later they brought the boy in and things got very strange.  At first he was screaming something that we guessed was, "no way I would grab a middle aged woman's butt".  Either way, at some point he owned up to it, the police scared him, and he apologized over and over again.   What a creepy hour.

Documentation Hell

Mom's passing started a whole new process: documenting her passing;  health insurance records, medical records finance, life insurance, social security, medicare, banks, investment houses...the list goes on and on.  All have their own requirements. 

I spent 3 days trying to get through all of this with my father.  Much to his credit, he kept himself together and made a lot of difficult decisions in a couple of days. Thankfully most of the hard work with that is done and we can start getting into a more normal routine.

Why Would You Say That

I have been writing very personal emotions the last week.  Sandy, my sensibility checker, kept saying, "Are you sure you want to write that?", "I am worried you will regret writing that later".

By nature I am a bit private with my emotions, but I decided to share them for three reasons:

1. It is strangely therapeutic.  
2. To record my emotions so I can really remember things clearly
3. To help others prepare.  I never really understood the emotions I would have when someone I loved so much died.  Maybe others are in the same boat, and this could help.

I know things have been very dark, so I think this will be my last entry on the topic

Last Words

A colleague in Korea asked," What were the last words you said to your mother."  I knew right away, "I love you."   We always said it, and though it was a habit, it was meant each time.  A friend of my mother's wrote me and had the same experience. It gave her great solace.  

One final nice gift from my mother to her friends and family.

The Last Celebration

We had mom's funeral and she would have been thrilled.  My sister read a message she wrote with some help from my siblings.  It was funny and thoughtful and really captured who mom was.  Dad read a note of thanks and encouraged people to not morn mom's death, but celebrate her life. We had a reception afterwards and chatted with the large group.  At night we sat around the table and laughed and talked about mom, life and we laughed.

It was perfect.

Hiding Part II

I am really struggling with my mother's demise.  I do not know if it is because I loved her so much, I am not as emotionally strong as I thought, or I am just getting used to the idea of her passing, but I can't seem to even have a simple conversation about my mother without feeling like I am going to break down.  

At the viewing last night I just hid most of the night.  I am a little embarrassed by my actions, but I just wanted the focus to be on my mother and not a blithering idiot of a son. Hopefully people will forgive me.

She Was Loved

Last night was the viewing.  

People lined up for a couple of hours to say goodbye...there were hundreds of people.  Even though we had asked that donations be given in lieu of flowers, there was what the priest called, "a world record number of flowers".  Mom loved flowers and plants and maybe her friends thought there should be a lot to remember her. Not what we planned, but still very nice.  

She had so many great friends who have been wonderful through this process. When I would comment on the number of friends she had, mom's advice was always the same, "you have to be a good friend to have good friends".  Clearly she was a good friend to many. 

Small things making a difference

We are back after a remarkably easy trip.  Continental agreed to pull our bag out of checked baggage and let us carry on an over sized bag and our flight from Tokyo to Houston arrived 40 minutes early.  Because of this, we made our connections.  We ended up chatting with a really nice girl for 7 hours on the flight. I never do this, but she was really sweet and the perfect remedy for the blues I had.

A guy working at the airport refused my offer to give him a buck for the fifty cents, he winked and said "don't worry about it".   Nice guy, great timing...sometimes small things make a big difference.

The trip

We made our arrangements yesterday anticipating my mother's demise. Luckily, we found a flight that was cheap and fit our needs...at least I thought. We just checked in and they told me we needed to go through customs in Houston. We have 55 minutes between flights which is not enough to make it through customs, immigration, pickup the bag, check in, and board the plane. I have some extra clothes in DC, so I may just forget about my baggage and hope for the best.

An End to Goodness

Last night mom died.

She was not a great woman...just an incredibly good woman. Her easy laugh, her quietly inspirational way of dealing with hardship, the way she inspired her children to believe they could do anything they wanted, slow to anger, but she still had a fiery spirit. She was a good friend to all, a good mother, a good daughter, a good wife...an incredibly good woman.

I know that many say these things when a parent passes, but there is not a day in my life that I did not know how lucky I am to have had her as a mother. I miss her so much already. I wonder if I ever will stop.

Hiding

Today the students have tests and I do not teach.   Kids still come into the office, so I have been wearing headphones so I do not have to interact with them.  I love the kids, but I am finding it impossible to hide my sadness today.

72 hours

There is a timeline for someone in mom's situation: you got to have progress in 72 hours or less.  We're past the deadline without progress.  The only thing keeping her alive now is a respirator.   Now a decision has to be made about the respirator.

How does a son make a decision to give up?  A husband?  When does it become selfish to keep someone alive just so you can avoid saying goodbye?  72 hours I suppose.

September 11th Part 2

On September 11th 2001 Sandy and I were volunteering in Quito, Ecuador.  We had all of the same emotions as all Americans had, but they were so much less intense because we were so far away and we could talk to others and forget about it.  This was good because the experience was much less intense than being in America.  It was bad because we missed a seminal moment in American history.  In some ways, we just did not understand our own country.

My mother is laying in ICU with diminishing prospects of a recovery.  My family has gathered there and it is an intense time.  I am not really part of things except for the daily update. I am missing another seminal moment in family history... I have no idea what this means.

Tough Times

Mom's initial test results are quite bad. She has brain damage and her heart has sustained further damage. The prognosis is quite bad.

I have to make plans for a return trip, and just to add a little additional stress, I did not have my alien registration card yet. Without this, I can not return to the country because it includes the re-entry permit. Thankfully we went to the immigration office and they issued the card immediately instead of taking the usual two weeks.

When 6885=1,000,000

Yesterday mom had her 4th operation in a year.  All serious. All have gone badly.  She sits in a medically induced coma 6885 miles away...feels like a million.  

Cheerful young girls laughing and screaming "hello teacher", boys screaming and wanting high 5's.  How do you tell them how you are feeling? Of course, you can't...they would not understand what I am saying.  I am just pretending that all is ok while inside nothing could be farther from the truth.

A Rock Star is Born

A short video to give you a flavor of how my classes have begun.  I am clearly a rock star.

Change, change, change

Yesterday at lunch the teachers made a comment that I changed my clothes everyday.  They told me that men here do not do that; it is considered a bit wasteful and showy.  They said that men usually change their clothes once a week or so.  I am guessing there is an exclusion for underwear. 

I had assumed this was just a pleasantry and did not give any thought to not changing my clothes everyday.  When a colleague picked me up this morning, the first thing that he commented on was that I changed my clothes.  I got to school and the first comment from another colleague was that I had changed my clothes.  Hmmmm.....maybe a hint, not a pleasantry.

I told them I want to fit in, but I think I will still change my clothes everyday.  The world is really upside down when I am considered wasteful especially when it comes to clothes.

Stresses

Some of life's greatest stresses are changing jobs and moving.  Add to this not knowing what is going on most of the time, a different culture, and not knowing who you can trust and who you can not trust and you have a stressful situation.  Even with a good experience like we are having, it is a challenge. We have gone through this many times, so we are well prepared for it.  That said, I am ready to get settled in.

Rocketman

The rocket kind of lifts off in North Korea and you would think people would be up in arms.  As it turns out, no one seems to care.

A couple of men said that Kim Jong Il was a great negotiator because he got the US to do what he wanted.  I have been making fun of him for so long that I was expecting a punch line, but it turns out they were serious. Shocking.

Korean Kindness

My sister-in-law had told us how warm and friendly people are here, but we have been really struck by two recent incidents.

We were looking for a real estate agent in a neighboring city when we decided to have some lunch. The waitress spoke English and we asked her where the agent was. Next thing we knew, she was calling friends and asking about apartments. Then, she asked other customers if they knew of apartments. Everyone was apologetic because they could not find us an apartment.

Just as remarkable was our trip to a neighboring town for a festival. As it turned out, no festival...oops. Either way, we ended up wandering around the tiny town. We saw these beautiful trees and then beautiful houses. We went to investigate and found the most beautiful tea house and gardens I have seen anywhere. We were walking around and we were greeted by a woman who could not speak English. She invited us in for tea. Just then, a colleague called and I handed the phone over to her. They made a decision, we would have Korean tea, then the woman would drive us to our home. Not sure that would happen at home.

Random Picture

A nice walk around town this morning and I came across these fellows. We asked a teacher about it and he said it was good luck to have one of these for the opening of buildings etc. I am guessing it is good luck for the people as opposed to the pigs who clearly have had some bad luck.

Eating like a pig

It is amazing that people are so thin here because each meal is huge. This is my breakfast which includes: soup, rice, fish, noodles, a mystery food, and cherry tomatoes.